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The Glove Compartment is inaccuratly named.
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| ...Its been awhile. |
[01 Sep 2006|12:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Kill, 30 Seconds to Mars |
] |
Its amazing how emo I used to be.
And how much I'm growing up.
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( bang bang )
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| Blah. Blah. Blah. |
[13 Jul 2005|12:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hot Red Moon, Rancid |
] |
Still looking for a job and yet theres no motivation to do so. As bad as it sounds, I wish it could just be handed over to me. Yeah, don't we all.
Apart of me still wants to go home. A big part.
Or just live like I feel, alone.
I want to go back to Italy.
I'd like to run through the states. Live where ever I want. Live however I want.
I met this guy the other day that hated where he lived, Montana. His name was Chris. Said his car got repoed and his girlfriend left him. He figured, "what the hell am I doing here?". So he left and came to San Diego. One-way ticket, no money, and no place to stay. Trying to look for a job in a week. I thought he was crazy. And at times like these, it doesn't seem like that bad of an idea. But I know its just not that easy. Period.
But now, I can't just think about myself. Theres two people to think about....
What would be best for us?
And it kills me to not beable to answer that.
I know what I want, but I want it now. And what I want must be looked at as a goal. And I'm just not that determined.
Nothing seems to motivate me.
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( ya dead x8 || bang bang )
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| Update/ Complaining |
[23 Jun 2005|10:58am] |
Blah blah blah, morning sickness, blah blah blah blah, irritability, blah blah blah.
Can't drink. Can't smoke... ANYTHING. No rollercoasters. Blah blah blah blah.
One-eight in less than a month.
Bundle-of-joy in a little over six months.
No regrets. No regrets. No regrets.
Regrets... cigarettes.... Ah, nevermind.
Ok I'm done.
Baby's daddy bought a truck. Yay-yeah :)
Weird, when hes not here.. I miss him. When he is, I wish he wasn't. Carna asada fries were a nice touch.
I'm guilty of making the best sweet tea :D Muahahaha.
Edit:
Keeping pets.
Found a place.
Moving-in in august.
Somewhere, C Street & 28th? Something like that. Anyone care to visit?
Nice.
Studio. Eeeeeeek. Yeah, no one is having sex.
Mom's stuff clashing with mine. Buddahist shrines and dying hearts, skulls, and '50's pin-ups. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.... Interesting? Yeah, I think so.
Meh.
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( ya dead x5 || bang bang )
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| I take it all back. |
[14 Jun 2005|03:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
Not all, but most of it back.
Now, my pets are gone to LA.
Rent is $850 and comes with a nice Brazilain man and his condo in La Jolla. Still sharing a room and bathroom with my mother. At least theres a pool.
Still no job. Or at least accessories to go get one.
And still that want and hope to go home. Not move again. Settle down. Thats all I really actually want. To just ... settle down. Live in one house for longer than a year. Have that one job for longer than 4 months without the place closing on me. The will to not give up on relationships when their not what I want them to be or their not what I think they should be. Have a place where a baby can grow up happily.
Life has been pulling me into a million different directions and all I want to do is block it all out and create my own path. Without something happening and setting it for me.
And I wish I knew what it takes to love yo or how to even show you. What it really takes.
And I wish you knew what it really takes to show me how you love me.
Maybe we do, just not so much the showing part.
The one thing I don't actually hate about all of this, is the only innocent one this is really effecting.
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( ya dead x2 || bang bang )
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| And it won't stop. |
[10 Jun 2005|07:48pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
] |
Ok, now its I'm moving out, but out with my mom, dogs, and cat. Just us. And a baby in 7 months. It seriously could not be any harder. I have to get a job. I'm pregnant, I'm bound to show sooner or later. And at that job make minimum wage. And with this studio or 1 bedroom house/ apartment/ condo that accepts something other than a five pound chiuaua being at the least of $700-$800 a month. In San Diego. I have no car. I have no license. I've only had 1 job. ::sigh::
I want to go back home. It would be so much easier. I could live on the beach in a two bedroom house for $500 a month or in a nice neighborhood with my grandmother for free with plenty of bedrooms and even the baby's own nursery. And make that $500 in tips in a week. I could have all the family and help I could ever possibly need. Everything is in the palm of my hands in Virginia.... except the best friend I could ever ask for and the one I love.
I hate every bit of this. I hate all of this. I hate it all.
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( ya dead x4 || bang bang )
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| The after school specials are over by the time I get home. |
[07 Jun 2005|12:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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apathetic |
] |
Theres no breaking the crying habit.
Its pathetic, I tell you.
The annoyance is is a pretty big factor, too.
The one person that needs to be.. I want to be.. understanding.. is far from. Its annoying, frustrating, and discouraging.
But, I'm not aloud to regret. I don't... but... sigh...
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( bang bang )
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| After School Special. |
[06 Jun 2005|07:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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grateful |
] |
Urban Outfitters.
Met favorite person there.
Went to dinner and ranted and raved with her. We drew on the table. Names... names... and more names. A few clouds. A few hearts. And a flower.
In Hillcrest of course.
New shop.
Buffalo Exchange. Thoughts of what the nursery (if I could have one) would/ could look like = Wild Things + Max all over the wall. ♥
Mint.
T.U.K. = hot boots.. Bahahaha!
Home. We pee. She leaves.
Boy comes over.
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( ya dead x2 || bang bang )
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| Goodbye, my love.... Goodbye. |
[29 May 2005|07:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
Its not official, but its over. We both know this. We already knew this from the beginning. Now, its just coming into play. But, don't believe me.... take it for yourself. Adios, mi amor.
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( ya dead x1 || bang bang )
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| The New Chapter |
[25 May 2005|10:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
Things couldn't be more confusing.
A day without affection with you at my side and nothing more. How can you lye next to someone you love so much it hurts and not even touch them? Maybe there are just those days or maybe I'm just being to naive for my own good... Lying to myself.
I couldn't be more than happy with the news and feel like less than shit with the outcome.
The only thing I do know... They'll be mine and no one will ever be able to take that away from me.
Something I will take responsibility for. For sure nothing less, yet so much more.
High school will be over. Therefore the naive little drama queens will disappear and the repulsing little boys will be left to grow up.
No more excuses to being fake.
We'll be stepping into the real world where you cannot yell at your mom and get your way.
None the less not take responsibility for actions and know your consequences.. And have that go unnoticed.
No more subjecting yourself to being around narcissistic little shits... who claim they're not.
No more... no more... no more...
There will be those people I will miss and those people I won't.
Because its time to feel like where I belong.
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( ya dead x3 || bang bang )
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| I will never be that girl... for you. |
[16 May 2005|10:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
I'll never have long, straight, blonde highlighted hair.
I'll never have the combination of the hair or short skirts with flip flops.
I'll never be your Hollister chick. Or Abercrombie & Fitch girl. Or American Eagle girl. Or Roxy girl. Or Billabong girl.
I'll never have the fake acrylic french tipped nails.
Or toes rings.
Or chunky Flojos with a yellow "sun-dress".
I'll never cake on pounds of foundation or mascara.
I'll never wear make-up every single day of my life. Or to bed when you're in it.
I'll never have an intended matching bag, shoes, and shirt.
I'll never wear my name around my neck in gold.
I will never "be LyKe OmG".
I'll never be your church girl.
I'll never have a new sports car. Or think that they're "cute".
I'll never be the hottest/cutest/sexiest girl you've ever gone out with, but at least we connect on a different level.
I'll never be your idealistic girl.
I'll never be your Brittany.
I will probably never try to look as fake as possible.
I will write you letters when I'm upset because I don't know how to talk to you.
Maybe I will dress up in my favorite dress with my favorite shoes, even if it is just to Olive Garden.
I will always prefer a natural look, with a little color.
I do like to wear green, blue, and pink together.
I like to look original.
I like to be different.
I don't like that you know all my friends. And I know few of yours.
I don't like that you call girls that I have no to clue to. Rather they're just your friends or not. When you make sure to know who I'm talking to... and especially if they're guys. When I tell you about them anyways.
I don't like that you're so invasive when I want to be alone. I like my space.
I don't understand why you would find something wrong with me writting a letter.
I don't like to argue.
I.... I.
I get sick of unresolved arguements. Talking/ not talking... Sorrys, they're overrated.... they don't resolve anything.
Still... no resolvement.
Same arguements. Same frustrations.
And I don't know what to do. Except hope for the best.
I don't want this to reside to another arguement.
You and my mom. My central loves and frustrations. Drive my words into the ground. Chew them up and spit them in my face.
My worlds turned upside down. And I love it. And everything its worth. ♥
Thank you, Dano... for being the sane one. ♥
No, seriously. Nights playing cards and eating cake is fine with me andyday.
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( ya dead x5 || bang bang )
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[05 May 2005|08:49am] |
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mood |
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 weak |
] |
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.
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( ya dead x10 || bang bang )
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| When we're done, I'll give you everything. |
[03 May 2005|01:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bored |
] |
There is this boy in my room.
Hes taking up alot of my space.
Hes driving me nuts.
Our stuff does not match.
I like art, he likes sports. I don't like sports.
Hes a neat freak and likes things perfectly aligned.
I like things to be clean and not perfectly aligned.
I'm laid back and hes high-strung.
.roar.
Ugh.. ::sigh::
Love.... love?
I do miss him and I do want him to cme home... most of the time..
Eh, at least grad night will be dank.
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( ya dead x3 || bang bang )
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| Home at last, home at last. |
[28 Apr 2005|02:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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New Year, Death Cab For Cutie |
] |
I'm not sorry for posting this everywhere.
Two years in the making. Making my way back home.
Shes been through Hell and made her way to her Heaven.
Now, shes taking a step back to head back home.
Shes on top of the world.
Lets see if she slips off and bumps her head.
Is she in over her head?
Things won't be the same, for sure.
But will it still be home?
♥
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( ya dead x2 || bang bang )
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| Shes dreaming under the white clouds. |
[21 Apr 2005|01:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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A Lack of Color, Death Cab For Cutie |
] |
And its dark out.
The Mr. Wonderful showed up when I have a Mr. Wonderful.
Isn't that how it always ends up?
Yeah....
My Mr. Wonderful will be hime tomorrow in bed at last.
The years almost over. Turn in research paper, finish Cal tests, grad night, and graduation. Done. Damn.
I need a job.
The summer haze is over.
Lifes just begun.
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( ya dead x5 || bang bang )
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| One day I'll feel on top of the world. |
[19 Apr 2005|02:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tiny Vessels, Death Cab For Cutie |
] |
That day is not today.
I could be standing in front of you and you wouldn't even hear me crying. My eyes torn and stitched under the eyelids, with no question of the burning pain in sweet agony.
There really is a nonexistant heart.
I could care for the world and push everything away.
Give up on myself and everyone around me.
Tell the world my secrets and not even hold trust in another's words.
Maybe I think, I thought, I might have trusted one day, today, yesturday... It was all a lie.
How can you perfectly lie to yourself. Myself.
My heart is not in its place.
It got up and walked away.
Someone thought they had it. They do because when you got up and walked out that door, I began playing a game I couldn't finish. It left me there sitting alone with the tears shed through my hands.
I could never.
I could never.
I love you, but not with all my heart. A heart not held in its place.
I just don't trust. It has become a nature to not do so. I can still spill my guts, but to trust a word... theres more to it.
I've become immune to trust and its meaning. Its always stretched. Its always contridicted.
Very much like myself.
I cannot stand to look in the mirror anymore these days.
I'll stare in disgust and I'll stand in an oblivion to why anyone is my friend. And why would you love me?
Anyone can answer so positively... I already know.
But can anyone give me something much deeper. To look at. To think about. To take into consideration?
Theres one that I just don't see.
I'm done crying the tears you cannot see.
So, that was from a few days ago.
I'm fine now, I suppose.
( Prom ) was allright. Chels made prom queen. That made me happy.
Pictures will be lovely.
I need to get out this week.
Hes gone and my bed is quite lonely.
This love has not been evaluated. I'm left confused. I love you... I like being with you. But what is it about you? If I were to weigh my likes and dislikes, I'd be left with a blank page.
I know I love you. I know I do.
When you're not there my bed is empty.
We would both be fine if we were single, but its better when were together...
Ehh...
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( ya dead x3 || bang bang )
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| Plan: |
[07 Apr 2005|01:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Poison the Well |
] |
:Get belligerently drunk friday.
Yes? I think so.
Anyone with me.
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( ya dead x2 || bang bang )
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thekidinme's journal
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